Fan Letter of the Week
Each day, I receive several hundred pieces of fan mail, D/s propositions, marriage proposals and other interesting tidbits This one was just too good not to share with you – paul sounds like a wild sort of guy to me!
Dear kiko, I am paul from shirley if I cum to concord would you tie me up beat me whip me fuck me in the ass with a dildo command me to eat your wet pussy and sweaty asshole clean after you tie me to the bed and after you tie me up put make up on me lots of lipstick eye liner rouge and bacicly whatever you want to do to me I just love sex anyway I can get it. What id love you to do is line the bed with a sheet of plastic and be fore you tie me up ill lay on my tummy and I want you to get out a gallon of latex paint latex only your favorite color and paint my entire backside all the way down to the bottom of my feet and when its dry ill roll over then you can tie me to the bed and paint my front side if you want to shave my balls and pubic hairs off for that fact if you want to shave me from the neck down you may but if you shave all around my penis you can paint it and my balls up my crouch totally paint me from my neck down iam getting horny thinking about you painting me with lots of makeup on tied to the bed and when iam dry tease me with your pussy only letting me get a little lick in and then make me clean your entire ass with my tounge make me lick it clean it would be nice if you cleaned it a little before I licked it but iam so horny thinking of what you could do to me if youd rather not wipe after your next good shit ill eat it and lick it clean like I said you tie me up and ill do whatever yes whatever you tell me iam so horny right now id eat your shit as it comes out your ass only if you tell me do it or………….. then ill eat it as I said iam so horny ill do anything make me your private slut beatme whipme whatver ill be good if you train me o ya iv never eaten shit before and iam playing with myself as I write this so make me your personal slut if you want if you think its gross to eat shit your right but if you want me to ill try it piss taste disgusting I tried myown it sucks but ill drink your as it cums out if you tell me to I hope your free tomorrow sunday to train me. Write soon iam very horny. – Paul
This is a copy of my profile:
I am looking for love I dont care what kind of sex or who its with a man or a woman as long as its hot sweaty sex ill do just about anything.
(ed. YIKES!!!!!! kiko….;)
MARTINI, STRAIGHT UP: Apparently trying to figure out how to drink booze without leaving breath odors, some Finnish girls have come up with a …well… unique way to imbibe. Tapio Jaakkola, the executive director of the Irti Huumeista drug and alcohol center in Helsinki, says girls are dipping tampons in vodka to absorb the alcohol into their bloodstreams from …um… down under. Does it work? Jaakkola didn’t say. “Drinking through the mouth is probably still the best way for alcohol to be absorbed,” he offered. (Reuters) …If a barfly says she can drink you under the table, she may not be kidding.
HONK IF YOU LOVE ME: When Buster Mitchell’s girlfriend walked out on him, he went back to his beloved and decided to make it legal with her. Mitchell, 28, went to the county courthouse in Knoxville, Tenn., and started filling out the marriage license application. He listed his fiancee’s birthplace as Detroit, her father as “Henry Ford” and her blood type as “10-W-40” before the clerk stopped him – Mitchell was trying to get a license to marry his car, a ’66 Ford Mustang GT. “Why can’t we do the good ol’ boy thing and marry our cars and trucks?” he lamented later. He plans to try again elsewhere. (AP) …And all this time we thought the “good ol’ boy thing” was to marry your cousin.
FALSE START: Swimming coaches have a new tool to help strengthen athletic performances: elastic cords tied to the side of the pool – and attached to the swimmers. The cords are used both ways, both to pull against swimmers’ strokes to build strength and to pull them through the water faster. Swimmers “love it,” said Tony St. Onge, a coach at Moses Lake (Wash.) High School. “We call it bungee swimming. The bigger boys try tying on two or three bungees, and they can fly down the pool,” he said. “Our 25-yard record is about 6 seconds.” (AP) …Plus it helps divers get back to the platform faster. AFRAID TO DO IT BEFORE NOW: “After 100 Years, Coward Celebration” — AP headline
WHERE THERE’S SMOKE: I got a BUNCH of e-mails this week objecting to my brief mention of “Smokey The Bear” in the Honorary Unsubscribe – no “The” in the middle, everyone said. All but Paula in Pennsylvania: “Randy, I read with interest about Smokey THE Bear. When I was growing up, the joke was ‘What is Smokey the Bear’s middle name?’ Of course the answer is ‘The’. If you ask a forest ranger they will tell you that his real name is Smokey Bear (no middle name). I think they must have short memories. The original book about Smokey was printed in 1955, written by Jane Werner and pictures by Richard Scarry. The title was SMOKEY THE BEAR.” I do believe the Department of the Interior officially calls him “Smokey Bear”, but my enterprising brother Curt found only one reference to the indefatigable Mr. Bear on the DOI’s web site: a link to the smokeybear.com web site, which link was labeled “Smokey The Bear”. Go figure.
THIS WEEK’S HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE goes to Yehudi Menuhin. A child prodigy violinist, Menuhin first heard classical music as a toddler when his parents took him to concerts to avoid paying for a baby sitter. He so wanted a violin that his parents bought him a toy; when he heard the awful sound, he threw it down, sobbing. They got him a real one to replace it, and he started lessons at age 4. The New York-born Menuhin gave his premiere performance at age 7 with the San Francisco Symphony. He gave more than 500 concerts for Allied forces during World War II, played for heads of state, and was given an honorary knighthood by Queen Elizabeth. Menuhin died in Berlin March 12 from heart failure at age 82.