Fan Letter of the Week
Each day, I receive several hundred pieces of fan mail, D/s propositions, marriage proposals and other interesting tidbits.  I just love sharing some of my favorites with you.

Dear Kiko,
I’m definitely up for exploring and having some wild kinky fun-and of course making all of your fantasies come true. In the mean time, I want you to think about this: You are lying naked on your bed. As you do so a tall, athletic, good looking man walks in your bedroom to join you. You watch him move to the side of your bed, where he sits beside you. He begins to gently caress your body with his finger tips. As he does so he feels your body tense with pleasure. He now slowly begins kissing your body all over, moving his tongue over and around your nipples until they become erect and hard. He likes it when you tell him how your pussy is becoming wet- but he already knows because while he’s gently caressing your inner thighs he can feel the heat that is emanating from between your legs. As he slowly makes his way towards your hungry pussy, the tension in your body mounts, he can feel you moving yourself up so that your pussy is coming closer to his mouth. He kisses your i! nner thighs and sees the wetness between your legs. You tell him to eat you as you begin to push his head down between your legs, he takes your hands and put them on your pussy so you can spread your inviting lips. He sucks and licks around your swollen clit, enjoying every taste of your love juices, looking up to see the pleasure on your face as he does so. He slowly moves his long hot tongue and mouth all around your wet pussy slowly making his way to your tight ass. He licks the edge of your rim, as he does so, you arch your back in utter pleasure wanting more of his tongue in your ass…

Now that I have your attention =) Let me describe myself. I’m considerate, non-pushy, laid back, discreet, clean (no drugs who’s a health nut), athletic guy who is interested in the a more alternative lifestyle. I’m well educated (working on my PhD) and enjoy intellectual conversations. When it comes to sex I’m very open minded and extremely uninhibited. I’m looking for a person that is friendly, down to earth and considerate. I’m hoping to make a friend and have some fun in the process. I have a picture through Alt.com along with my profile (for some reason I’m having trouble with my profile, so I hope you can view it!!). I also have another picture if you are interested. I would love to see more and know more about you as well. If you are interested, email me either through alt.com or at ******@yahoo.com.

Oh ya-finish the story.

I’ll be waiting

Jay

This is a copy of my profile: I’m new to this and the area but have an intellectual mind that’s both open and unihibited. I’m clean and definitely drug free. I’m looking for new and exciting experiences that will leave both of us fully satisfied both sexually and intellectually. I’m not into into pain-I’m just a passionate guy who’s eager to please a woman who’s as confident and open minded as I am. Are you that woman?

THIS IS TRUE: by Randy Cassingham

BRING HOME THE VOTES: “We have to put more focus on the lack of women in Kaafjord,” says mayor Aage Pedersen. He has proposed that the Arctic Norwegian village subsidize trips for local bachelors to Asia, Russia or Poland to find wives and bring them back to Kaafjord. He hopes the plan will counter the town’s steady, decade-long decline in population. (Reuters) …It’s a small world: the president of the U.S. is focused on bringing more women home too. THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY: Former Dept. of Transportation Inspector General Mary Schiavo resigned from her post after criticizing the Federal Aviation Administration for lax airport security practices and inadequate cargo screening. To dramatize what she has been telling the press, she packed a “suspicious” looking suitcase, checked it in, and then did not board the flight where it was loaded. But officials at Port Columbus (Ohio) International Airport intercepted the bag and, when an X-ray showed it contained electronic parts and wires, they evacuated the concourse and closed the runway for several hours. Schiavo blames the airport for overreacting, claiming “It is pretty clear that the intent was to make a scene.” (AP) …Funny, that’s what everyone’s saying about her publicity stunt.

UNSWERVING: In his bid for the presidency, Vice President Al Gore sent out letters to leading Democrats. “To win in 2000, I need you by my side,” the letter says. “Without your previous support, Bill Clinton and I would not have won our victories for the American people.” Gore concludes by asking recipients to join a “steering committee” to support his campaign. Among the letter’s addressees was Republican Texas Gov. George W. Bush, son of the president and a possible contender for the White House himself. Gov. Bush plans to steer “a much different direction,” his spokeswoman said. (UPI) …American presidential elections: a two-year competition for the title of back- seat driver.

DISCONNECTED: Vice President Al Gore was the driving force behind the Internet — according to him. “I took the initiative in creating the Internet,” Gore claimed recently, by sponsoring 1986 legislation to interconnect five supercomputer centers while he was a senator. However, the underlying technology of the ‘net, packet switching, was first sketched out in 1961 by MIT’s Leonard Kleinrock, and the first computers were connected to ARPANET (which later became “the Internet”) in 1969. Gore wasn’t elected to the House of Representatives until 1976. “If Gore invented the Internet, I invented spell-check,” said former Vice President Dan Quayle. Gore previously claimed that he was the model for the book “Love Story”. (Scripps Howard) …Suggested Gore slogan: “It’s the lying, stupid!”

BLINK OF AN EYE: An expedition to the Australian Outback by scientists from the South Australian Museum was deemed a success when a 570 million-year-old jellyfish fossil was discovered. “It was a special specimen,” said curator Neville Pledge. “It was very well preserved.” But when scientists returned later to remove the 12-by-16-inch rock specimen, it was gone. Dejected scientists lament the theft. “It may be a new species, we can’t tell now.” (AP) …Don’t despair: a million years from now no one will be able to tell it was ever missing.

TALES FROM THE CRYPT: Johnny Morgan of Narberth, Wales, knew he was dying from lung cancer, so he made preparations. He wrote cards and letters to his friends, but gave strict instructions that they not be delivered until after he died. A friend at his service got a letter that claimed the undertaker forgot to put a fire extinguisher in his coffin. “I told you I was ill,” another letter said. But the capper — so far — is a series of post cards delivered to friends emblazoned “Wish you were here.” (Reuters) …Some people just insist on having the last word.

WRONG WAY: Berkeley County, W.Va., has too many streets with similar names, which can cause delays during emergencies, so it is renaming 450 streets. But people on Beaver Ridge Road are upset with the replacement name for their street: Big F Park Road. “It can easily be taken — and often is — to mean the f-word,” says resident Paul Oliver, who is suing the county over the name change. Margie Moulton says her teenage daughters laugh at the name. “Big F? They’re old enough to know what that is,” she says. (AP) …Big Fuss, Big Fight, Big Financial Settlement.

DUH BOAT: A survey by the American Society of Travel Agents of its members has revealed the most-asked questions about cruise ship vacations. “Can I fish off the boat?” is fairly common, as is “If I don’t like it, can I get off?” But one of the most frequent questions, travel agents say, is “Does the crew go home at night?” (Reuters) …It says something that “Does it have enough lifeboats?” didn’t make the top 10.

POP FLY: Matthew Scott, 37, who received a hand transplant two months ago, has been selected by Philadelphia Phillies to use his new left hand to throw out the first pitch at the baseball team’s home opener next month. (AP) …Long may his stitches hold.

I WANT MY DEPOSIT BACK: “Landlord Sentenced to Die for Eating Tenant” — Reuters headline

THE MOST-SUBMITTED STORY from readers this week is… well, I’ll let Ezra in Nevada explain it, since he also included the most interesting comment about it: “This bonehead thought he’d sue God, two Presidents, and every single American citizen for lost youth and lack of guitar playing skills. I pulled it off CNN’s web site so I ASSUME (a risky proposition these days) that it’s legit. Earlier I would have doubted but the fact that you can put together a newsletter every week on people like this has renewed my faith in stupidity.” I have to admit: I’ve never had a shortage of material….

THIS WEEK’S HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE goes to Walter D. Scott. A former chairman of the NBC television network, Scott presided during the mid- 1960s, when color broadcasting was starting to become popular. No one really wanted to commit to paying the costs for upgrading the network’s facilities to full time color, but Scott pushed it through anyway, convincing not only NBC’s corporate parent, RCA, but also pressuring the movie studios to produce more programs on color film. The network’s “color schedule”, begun in 1965, resulted in the slogan, “The Full Color Network”. That led to the “NBC Peacock”, which still graces NBC today. Scott died March 12 of pneumonia in Carmel, Calif., at age 84.

Jokes of the Week:  Blondes Revenge — On Brunettes…

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? Invisible.

What’s the real reason a brunette keeps her figure? No one else wants it.

What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette? Brown-bagging it. What’s black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch? A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? So brunettes can remember them.

What’s a brunette’s mating call? “Has the blonde left yet?”

Why is brunette considered an evil color? When was the last time you saw a blonde witch?

What do brunettes miss most about a great party? The invitation.

What do you call a good looking man with a brunette? A hostage.

Who makes bras for brunettes? Mattel.

Why are brunettes so proud of their hair? It matches their mustache.

Real Court Transcripts !

Q: This myasthenia gravis — does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget.

Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you’ve forgotten? ——– Q: How old is your son — the one living with you. A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years.