THIS is TRUE by Randy Cassingham
A weekly column of oddities from around the world

PLAY BALL: A federal judge has ruled that the Astoria (Ore.) School District discriminated against Anna Inskip, 18, by not letting her play on her high school’s softball team. “I wouldn’t care how long I got to play,” she said, “as long as I got to play,” since that is the only way she can get her varsity “letter”. But the school claimed the girl, who is autistic, would “put herself and others at risk of injury” if she played. “They say she has no potential to learn anything,” says Anna’s mother, Merrie Young. “I’ve seen some other girls on the team, and they aren’t showing any improvement.” (AP) …The school officials haven’t demonstrated potential to learn anything, but that hasn’t stopped them.

BED, BREAKFAST AND BELLIGERENCE: Clifford Shattuck, 66, owns the Lighthouse Motel in Lincolnville, Maine, but a court order now prohibits him from talking to his guests. He allegedly has been abusive to patrons, telling them they cannot look at the rooms before they rent them and, if they decide to leave, prosecutors say he would stand in front of their cars so they couldn’t drive away. Kennebec County Superior Court Justice Donald H. Marden said there was “overwhelming evidence” that Shattuck behaved in an assaultive and threatening manner and fined him $15,000. In addition, while he may continue in business, he “can’t have anything to do with any person lodging or seeking lodging at the Lighthouse Motel,” prosecutors told reporters. (UPI) …Irate innkeeper incites inclement incident, investigators infer; irresponsible iconoclast incriminated, indicted and inculpated, incredibly isn’t incarcerated in institution.

MORONIC MOTIVATOR: Cable News Network founder Ted Turner was invited to address the graduating class at the University of Georgia. “Here’s the class of ’99, and y’all are just starting out,” he told the 5,000 graduates. “Wouldn’t it be terrible to have nuclear war in the next week or two and mess up y’alls careers before they have gotten started?” Recalling the accidental NATO bombing of the Chinese embassy in Belgrade, he added, “If we drop a bomb on the Russian Embassy, we could be at war with Russia and China tomorrow, and they both got lots of nuclear weapons. We might not even get to see the millennium.” (AP) …On the bright side, in that event they wouldn’t have to repay their student loans.

IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER: Advertising groups in Warsaw are worried that Pope John Paul might be upset if he catches sight of billboards “showing scantily clad women advertising lingerie” during his upcoming trip to Poland. They’re discussing whether to change the boards, cover them up, or postpone several ad campaigns until after he leaves. “The clergy thinks the images of half-naked women will offend the Pope,” state TV reports. (Reuters) …Of all people, surely the Pope wouldn’t be “offended” by God’s image (Genesis 1:27).

NUDE NOT RUDE II: Tourism officials in South Africa’s “conservative” Eastern Cape are trying to figure out how to attract more tourists to the area. One plan under discussion: nude tourism. “We have got the advantage of a temperate climate,” says the chairman of the Hotel Owners’ Association. “You could have naked hunting trips, bare beaches, nature walks in the nude,” says tourism chief Craig Nancarrow. “Maybe we could have naked flights landing at Bisho airport and the visitors being taken to the coast. We could have frolicking in the forests, nude surfing and snowboarding, even bungee jumping.” However, warns Zilindile Makapela of the Eastern Cape Tourism Board, “it may create quite a stir, especially in our indigenous culture. Certain religious groups could also be offended.” (AFP) …Not if they don’t go to those resorts.

NUDE RENEWED III: A nude statute is being returned to a place of honor at the Boston Public Library, the nation’s oldest, after being removed over a century ago. The bronze “Bacchante and Infant Faun’s” was stripped from its display not because of the naked woman it depicted, but because it was branded a “monument to inebriety” — it was named for Bacchus, the Roman god of wine, and the woman holds a bunch of grapes. “The worst type of harlotry with which the earth was ever afflicted!” screamed The Rev. James B. Brady at the end of the 1800s. “No tipsy statue for the public library,” editorialized the Boston Post. (AP) …Yep: there’s been a lot of progress in the last 100 years.

TIME SAVING TIP: Sean Barry, 23, called the police in Chandler, Ariz., after he got stuck in the handcuffs he was playing with. Before the officers took the cuffs off, they checked and found Barry had a warrant out for his arrest. “We took them off like he asked,” said a police spokesman. “Only he was in jail at the time.” (Reuters) …And, for the ultimate in efficiency, he read himself his Miranda rights.

NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED: Tyler Hagen, 13, said a friend at school gave him a bag of marijuana. Not wanting the drug, he gave it to his parents, who called the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department and turned it in. But when officials at Arroyo Seco Junior Middle School in Saugus, Calif., learned the boy was given the contraband at school, they consulted the school district’s zero-tolerance anti-drug policy, which dictated a five-day suspension and a transfer to another school. District officials are backing the school for following the policy, saying the boy should have turned the pot over to the principal, not his parents. (UPI) …It’s a good thing the school officials don’t have a sense of humor, or they’d die laughing at themselves.

THE ULTIMATE IN “HAND OVER YOUR MILK MONEY“: “Robbers Attack School in Pretoria” — AP headline

I WANNA HEAR SOME COMPLAINTS! Really. This is an experiment, but if you have a complaint about “This is True”, I want to hear it. I’ve set up a special mailbox for you to send your irritations, bothers, and quarrels about “This is True” as a service. I’ll read every one, but won’t reply to anything unless you ask me to — so no arguments, justifications, explanations or defensiveness, should you be worried about that. Why? Because readers have been *remarkably* silent about TRUE lately (even when I occasionally say something intended to ruffle feathers!), and quite frankly that has me intrigued. Surely not everyone is perfectly happy?! So fire up your e-mail, warm up your fingers, and let it go at complaint@thisistrue.com . I’m *not* inviting flames; I’m interested in *ideas*, not ranting. Thanks!

THIS WEEK’S HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE goes to Waldo Semon. During his 37-year career with B.F. Goodrich Co., Semon invented vinyl, made from polyvinyl chloride. “People then thought of PVC as worthless,” Semon once said. “They’d throw it in the trash.” But, by heating PVC in a solvent, Semon produced vinyl, which was flexible, elastic, waterproof, fire resistant, and did not conduct electricity. It’s now the second most-used plastic in the world, with some 44 billion pounds produced each year. Semon was awarded 116 patents by the time he retired in 1963, but strangely he isn’t known as much for vinyl as another everyday product: bubble gum. “Bubble gum came about as I was asked to create whatever I could from rubber,” he said in 1995. “It looked just like ordinary gum, except that it would blow these great big bubbles. Unfortunately, B.F. Goodrich thought that was a defect and that nobody would buy it.” He proved them wrong. Semon, who was inducted into the National Inventors Hall of Fame in 1995, died May 26 in Ohio at age 100.

Joke of the Week
The Insurance Money… Mabel recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.

Picking up the urn that her dearly departed husband now resided in, Mabel poured his remains out on the counter… She then started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes. Mabel said, “You know that fur coat you promised me, Irving, and never got?” Mabel answered by saying, “Well, I bought it with the insurance money!” She then said, “Irving, remember that new car you promised me and never got?” Again, Mabel answered her question by saying, “Well, I bought it with the insurance money!” Still tracing her finger through her husband’s ashes, she said, “Irving, remember that blow job I promised and you never got? Well, here it comes…”

Real Court Transcripts

Q: You were not shot in the fracas?

A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the navel.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?

A: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?” Q: And why did that upset you?

A: My name is Susan.

Fan Letter Of The Week

A message from “SirCalliphygian”
Hello. Sir Calliphygian here. My tel # is (xxx) xxx-xxxx. Call me if you are interested in : 1st – Sitting and discussing you Limits and your Desires in the relaxed and comfortable atmosphere of my apartment. Then I watch as you pull your panties down, bend over, and keeping your knees together you then spread your ass cheeks for me. I will then lubricate my right forefinger with lube and slowly push it into your bum. I hope you have to poop! I want to feel a nice big firm peice in there 2nd – a warm oil enema administered with a 16 oz. bulb syringe. Holding it for 3 minutes. After expulsion into the toilet, you stand up, I flush the poop down, and you bend over, spread your bum cheeks as wide as you can and I will see how well the enema did it ‘s job. 3rd – a nice 2 Qt. warm water enema with 2 oz. of vodka mixed. Holding this enema for 5 minutes. This you will expell into my bathtub, bent at the waist, you bum turned up, so I can see how well the enema did its job. If it was not effective in cleaning you out completely, another enema until you poop clear fluid. Then into the Bedroom……… 4th – after your hands are handcuffed to my bedroom headboard while lying on your tummy with pillows under your hips, and your panties at your knees, FULL penetration with my tongue of your pussy and poopchute, as I massage and lick you to orgasm. You will need to hold still for this as best you can……followed by 5th – a full rectal and vaginal examination administered with latex gloves and lubrication of your poopchute both inside and out with vaseline. One finger then two, and then three, slowly and softly opening your pussy and rectum for continued play. 6th – a nice spanking on your upturned bottom with my hand. Not to hard, but enough to make you cheeks flush and your desire to reach fever pitch. 7th – slow and deep pentration of you hot pussy and then tight bum with my condom covered cock. I will not cum unless you DO. Enjoy this scenario? Sound Nice? Email me back or CALL ME. I hope I can help you expand your fantasies about receiving enemas and spankings from a Dominant Man. What about enemas do you enjoy? The penetration of the lubricated nozzle? The rush of the liquid being squirted into your bum? The feeling of the liquid being inside you? The satisfaction of pooping the liquid back out? I have several Enema Movies, would you like to watch them before, during or after YOUR enemas? Mike

This is a copy of my profile: I am a 6′ Brown Haired Green Eyed 175 Lb. Master who believes in OTK spankings, Punishment Enemas for Naughty Girls and ladies and lubricated,latexed and sensual anal play.