An introduction to your emotions
The human brain is a complex instrument and something we still know far too little about to fully understand. Our personality – what we are – is a complex result of genetic encoding, upbringing, education, impressions and personal experiences. Since even the most advanced scientists only partially understand this complex mix and the importance of different elements, it is still impossible to say what exactly determines your sexuality, personality and orientation. In other words: there is no way to provide a solid answer to the question “Why do I have these emotions and what makes them so important”.

If you have been or are a member of Internet discussion lists or if you read newsgroups you will have been confronted with endless discussions about questions such as “what makes me”, “the true BDSM-emotions”, “real submissives and dominants” and a lot more of what we can safely call a bunch of crap.

The bottom line is there are no answers – there are only windows to what happens in our brain and we will introduce you to some them in various courses. At this point it is simply a matter of accepting that you ARE – not WHAT MADE YOU.

The forest
One way to look at yourself is this way. Your personality is the result of many different facets, parts and particles. Try seeing yourself as a forest. Each forest has different characteristics, different trees, animals and plants. In your forest one of the trees is called “Erotic Power Exchange”. And in your forest that tree may either be a very big one, very small or something in between. It may be that tree is the central, identifying oak in the middle or just a small tree in a corner section of the forest. It may be a pine tree or anything else. Trees are different. So are Erotic Power Exchange emotions. Just two things are certain – your personal forest is incomplete without that specific tree and your forest and the tree are unique. It is your forest and your tree. Other forests and other trees may be – and probably will be – different, yet are still – also – trees and forests.

At this point it may very well be totally unclear to you what this tree looks like, how big it is and where in the forest it is. Also, as time progresses the forest changes. Other trees grow as well, some may even die. In other words, your personality is something that changes constantly and as a result emotions and priorities (trees) may become more or less important, may even fade away completely or may change character.

This, to many, is confusing. Nothing is carved in stone and your personality is a floating, growing, evolving, changing “thing”. As you grow older you gain more insights, better understanding and priorities change. As a result, your erotic power exchange emotions will change – from gaining more knowledge, for practical reasons (it is a bit hard to be tied to four stakes and have a huge “gang bang” when you’re 67 years old) and just because they do.

Shifting self image
One thing is clear: your “erotic power exchange tree” deserves attention. It deserves a place in the forest, it requires water, nutrients, sufficient space, a place in the sun and attention. All that starts with attention and acceptance. Accepting the tree is there, that will not push all the other trees in the forest away. Attention in the sense that you will need to try and understand it, find out what this tree is all about and learn how to enjoy it.

Many people talk about “pushing limits”. In fact what really happens is that – as you gain better understanding of what this is all about – you learn and your self image changes as a result of that. So your limits and priorities are not pushed, they simply change.

Scary
Especially if all this is new to you – but also whenever you experience a sudden, unexpected shift in your emotions – it may scare you. Nothing wrong with that. All it means is that you will have to take some time (sometimes that may be a long time) to sit back, digest and understand what is going on and accept it. One thing we do know: fighting it or pushing it away won’t help.

What happens inside your body
It is becoming apparent that there are rather important micro-biological and bio-chemical aspects to domination and submission. Certainly, hormonal activity is not THE explanation for what happens – both as far as the emotions itself as their rush and attraction is concerned, but it certainly is part of an explanation. Understanding about hormonal activity will give you a better understanding of why you do the things you do and knowing about things like endorphins, adrenaline and serotonine will also help you understand why safety is so important.

The Number 1 Frequently Asked Question – most certainly by people outside the erotic power exchange world – is. “What is so nice about pain?” Well, there is nothing “nice” about just pain. A black eye or a punch in the nose is just as painful and “un-nice” to people with an erotic power exchange inclination as they are to others. But, when applied with care and knowledge, pain (and similar impulses, such as fear and humiliation) can do several different things to your body and mind. It can get you into a rush, it can be intensely erotic and it can change your mind completely.

“Pain” has different forms and shapes and in fact is a blanket term for or all sorts of signals to and from our brain. The main message “pain” sends to the brain is: “Here is a newsflash. Stop press, hold other things, this message has priority.” Latest research by psychologists and neurologists shows that “pain” is not just a physical reaction but can be a psychological one as well. And physical “pain” impulses can be and are influenced by psychological factors. Stress for example can block the perception of pain, whereas fear or anxiety can increase this perception. Yes, we are talking perception here, because “pain” is not an automated – and hence always identical – signal. It is a signal that is interpreted by the brain before it is put through. The area in the brain known as the thalamus is where the pain-signal enters the brain: the “pain gate” and this gate interprets. In fact, by giving micro-electronic impulses to this “pain gate” directly, doctors can stop patients feel pain. Oversimplified: if you pull out the plug, you will not feel pain.

Part II Will Be Published Next Week

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
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