What is all this?

So what exactly are we talking about here? Erotic power exchange has many faces, and just about as many names as well. SM, S&M, BDSM, SMBD, sadomasochism, algolagnia, bondage, you name it. So what is what? Well, first of all we try to avoid any reference to the terms sadism and masochism. Why? Because it makes things too complicated. These terms where invented over a 100 years ago by the Austrian psychiatrist R. Krafft-Ebing. He tried to describe two forms of mental distortion: the excessive and compulsive need for violence and cruelty (sadism) and the excessive and compulsive need to be victimized (masochism). Ever since, people who are into erotic power exchange have been stigmatized as dangerous, cruel & insane sadists, sad victims or whatever. That does not exactly help. And that’s what’s created all sorts of prejudiced, ignorant and discriminative opinions and legislation that’s still around in many areas of the world.

People have tried to get around these stereotypes by trying to use other names, like BDSM, algolagnia, etc. They all only describe forms, like bondage, domination, erotic lust for pain, etcetera, but they don’t cover the whole thing. That’s why we call it erotic power exchange, because that’s exactly what we’re talking about here. If all these terms confuse you, check out our Insider Lingo page and the other pages in the Glossary section and in the Professional References section.

The basis of erotic power exchange is simple: there are two roles. One is dominant, one is submissive. One (the submissive) temporarily or sometimes entirely hands over the power to the other (the dominant). How much power, what power, in what situation, and where does it end? Well these are all things you decide for yourself. There are no general rules in the erotic power exchange game, except maybe for the following:

♠ everything should be totally voluntary to both partners;

♠ whatever you do should be safe to both partners;

♠ whatever you do should be sane to both partners;

♠ everything should be based on informed consensual decisions by both partners, in other words you need to make careful decisions and you need to know what it is you’re making decisions about.

This is sometimes described as the VICSS concept. Since erotic power exchange is entirely about what happens between you and your partner, there are no other standard operational procedures. Simply because you don’t want others to decide what’s good for you. One thing however is perfectly clear. If any or all of the four VICSS elements is not there, it’s not erotic power exchange.

Sex game or serious stuff?

Next question. Is this a sex game or what? The answer is: that varies from person to person. Some will see it as a kinky sex game; to most people however, it’s a lot more than “just” a sex game. Erotic power exchange emotions are usually very deep and intense. To many people they have a (strong) influence on their total relationship and sometimes even on their social behavior. That’s why it’s usually described as a lifestyle, although there are people who are just in it for the kick and consider it to be an alternative to other forms of sexual games. There’s nothing wrong with either opinion. Since there are no standard rules, there are hardly any rights and wrongs either.

Many people combine erotic power exchange emotions with fetishes. What’s a fetish? Well, since we’re *not* dealings with this clinically, for our purposes it’s any object, material or action that turns you on. To many in the erotic power exchange lifestyle that may be things like leather or rubber clothing, boots, high heels, corsets and – most importantly – the attributes used: whips, cuffs, chains, collars, leashes, canes, rope, crosses, racks, dungeons or whatever. These don’t have only a functional value, they first of all have a symbolic (fetish) function. They’re power symbols and a turn-on by themselves. Other elements, such as uncertainty, atmosphere and sometimes slight fear, may be just as important.

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site,
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