About Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM)

HIV, the Internet and an increasing openness in society – influenced by better scientific knowledge and understanding of human sexuality as well as trends in pop-music, movies, art and literature – are presumed to be the main causes for the increasing interest in erotic power exchange (BDSM or SM). It is hard to identify whether there is indeed an increased interest or if increased openness on the subject has simply brought about more publicity. Since reliable research has never been done in this area, this perceived interest can not be quantitatively determined. The general opinion, however, is that it is not so much an increase of the number of people being into it – but mainly a matter of more people feeling comfortable about talking about erotic power exchange more openly.

Organizations active in the area have detected an upward trend in the interest in erotic power exchange, which leads to a dramatic increase in the need for information. Increased media coverage of both eroticism and sexuality issues in general as well as erotic power exchange and video clips no doubt contribute to this trend. As a result, professionals such as therapists, local psychology units, general practitioners, telephone help circles, social workers, sexual information centers, sexologists, but also politicians and people active in law patrols are confronted with situations, that have either a direct or indirect relation to erotic power exchange, more frequently.

What is BDSM?

In more modern terms we like to speak about erotic power exchange (EPE) or BDSM (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism), rather than use terms like sadomasochism. This distinction is used to try and distinguish forms of eroticized power play from other, unwanted, behavior.

Erotic power exchange is social role play, revolving around the power element that forms a part of every relationship between human beings. Hence it is not – although often depicted as such – a purely sexual game. In fact many people will identify it as a lifestyle and, sociologically speaking, one might even identify it as a separate culture or at least subculture. Erotic power exchange identifies the power element, magnifies it and uses the power dynamics between partners as one of the instruments to build and shape a relationship. It is usually – but not always – connected, but not restricted to, the sexual activities between partners in a relationship.

What identifies erotic power exchange from sadomasochism (as widely acknowledged by the psychiatric community, probably most prominently in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV (the latest diagnostic manual published by the American Psychiatric Association in 1992) is the freedom of choice for both partners to enter into forms of erotic power exchange. The choice to engage in erotic power exchange as well as the choice of role are non-compulsive and voluntary. It is usually driven by very deep personal emotions and it should be safe, sane and informed consensual, based on mutual respect and trust and (not always!) love. Next, the partners within erotic power exchange should adhere to certain basic rules known as the concepts of erotic power exchange, such as discussing and negotiating each other’s wants, needs, emotions as well as negotiating and acknowledging emotional and physical boundaries. In other words, erotic power exchange is role play by free and voluntary choice of the participants, as opposed to any situation where either of the partners has no choice or is tricked or manipulated into a role.

Unfortunately, erotic power exchange is often judged or described based on outdated definitions, as formulated by Krafft-Ebing, Freud, Schrenk-Notzing, Lacassagne, Thoinet and Eulenburg, some of which date back almost two centuries. As a result of this, dominance and submission within an erotic power exchange context are often described as “sadism” and “masochism”; terms (and clinical definitions) which have been formulated to describe mental distortions, not sexual behavior. Sadly, for several decades everybody either involved in or trying to describe erotic power exchange activity has – and many still do – used these terms as well, thus only contributing to the unfortunate confusion of tongues which forms the basis for stereotyping and social stigmatizing.

Next to this – given its individual character and determination – erotic power exchange is very hard to describe in a few words. Hardly two erotic power exchange couples or situations are alike, which makes it impossible to try and describe the activity in a few simple terms. Every simplification will almost automatically lead to oversimplifying and thus stereotyping. For example, erotic power exchange is often mistaken for algolagnia (“pain lust”). Pain can be, but does not have to be an erotic component. Using pain in an erotic setting is only one of the very many rituals or conventions power exchange can have.
Contributing to the confusion even more – especially to the outsider – is the effect know as the “safe haven syndrome”. The erotic power exchange community in general is very tolerant and as a result will often be a (temporary) safe haven for others who may be attracted to some – but not all – aspects of erotic power exchange and who are mainly attracted by the tolerance within the group. As a result of this the community is rather overcrowded with people who are into pain kicks (algolagnia), transvestites and fetishists, but also with people from entirely different fields, such as parts of the science fiction culture.

Since erotic power exchange – the main instrument of which is symbolism in almost all forms and shapes as long as it is in some way connected to power – can have all sorts of elements, “borrowed” from other kinks so to speak, these connections are not entirely illogical. In a commendable effort to be non-discriminatory but sometimes overly politically correct (a type of social behavior quite natural to any group who is itself the victim of discrimination and stigmatizing) the erotic power exchange community has failed to identify itself from others and only recently subgroups within the community – such as the homosexual and Maledom/femsub groups – are identifying and carefully exploring their own identity and mutual differences in culture, although this is far from widespread or standardized and acknowledged.

The problem

As a result of all this even to a professional it may not always be easy to identify and recognize an erotic power exchange related problem or question. It may be the client has a problem or a combination of problems that may result from (hidden or latent) erotic power exchange emotions. Only by asking questions and educating themselves will the modern professional be prepared to assist his or her clients.

Roughly, erotic power exchange related problems can be divided in (a combination of) the following areas:

* Coming out
* Self questioning and uncertainty
* Relational problems
* Contact problems and/or social isolation
* Technical questions

The last category – which comes down to questions like “how do I do things”, “what is safe and what is not” – usually is only identified by specialized BDSM organizations, and best answered by such organizations or specialized media, although especially information on health related questions and some safety aspects could benefit greatly from serious input from people, active in the medical profession.

Continued Next Week

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
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