Concept 3: Shared and equal responsibility

Within a scene or even within a erotic power exchange relationship partners may choose to be unequal to each other, based on a free will and choice. This does not mean there is inequality of responsibility between the partners.

Both partners share an equal responsibility towards themselves and each other. This also applies to safety matters. Mis- or non-communication, withholding valuable information, not telling each other about any aspect of a scene or relationship may lead to mishap.

Submissives especially frequently have a tendency to place all responsibility on the dom’s shoulders. Not in the least by the way, because many dominants will at least assume they need to take all responsibility. Both assumptions are incorrect. All partners involved are responsible for and towards each other and both have an equal responsibility to make the relationship work. Frequently dominants will sooner or later simply crack up under an overdose of responsibility, which leads to stage fright

Concept 4: Safewords

A safeword is your emergency break when “in scene.” Safewords can be used by doms and subs at any moment anything gets too tough, too scary, just annoying or for whatever other reason. Since standard words like “stop” or “no” in a steamy erotic scene may have a different meaning, safewords will usually be words or expressions that do not fit into an erotic scene.

Many people usually use two safewords. One meaning “slow down” or “time out” and another meaning “full stop immediately”. A system is to use the colors of a traffic light: “green” for “please go on,” “yellow” for “slow down, and “red” for “full stop”.

Not everyone uses safewords; people who know each other well enough usually don’t need them anymore. Others – this is called “edge-play” – do not want to have a way out. If you are a novice – and especially when playing with someone you know don’t very well – establishing and using safewords is advised. Safewords, like barriers, should be respected at all times.

Other systems – used for example when gags are in play – are giving the submissive a bell to ring or a ball to drop as a safety signal, or – if nothing else works – humming SOS in morse code (hum … hum … hum ….. hhuuuummm …. hhuuuummm …. hhuuuummm …. hum … hum … hum).

Whatever your situation, the general advice is to establish safewords, especially if either you yourself or both of you are either new to BDSM or new to each other!

Concept 5: The freedom of choice

Erotic power exchange is based on mutual agreement to whatever it is you would like to do. If one of the partners, for whatever reason, feels that he or she should not get into something, DON’T DO IT. Even if somebody else tells you it is perfectly safe, even if others do what does not feel good to you or does not appeal to you. You are the master of your own fantasies and best equipped to judge about your feelings and emotions and there is no difference between being of a dominant or submissive nature in this area.

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
A joint project between Wastealnd.Com and Power Erotics