Think ahead!

By all means do try to think ahead and prevent crisis situations. Children are curious and their curiosity will lead to your children finding your whips, cuffs, toys, books or pictures if you do not store them properly (i.e. behind lock and key). What you should do is try and prevent children finding books, pictures etcetera and start to fantasize about them (and tell others) without proper information and guidance. Plus, you are very likely to scare the living daylights out of them when it happens and they are not likely to tell you about the things they found and their – logical – fears and misconceptions.

If and when they find these things they will very likely not turn to you with questions, but they will talk to (and maybe show it to!!!!) their friends and it is not unlikely – depending on their individual situation – they will turn to counsel without your knowledge. That is not what you want. Unless you have created a situation where it is normal to talk about these subjects, do not expect your children to come to you. And “just” being a good parent is not enough in this area. You have to establish a situation where sexually related matters are being discussed in a normal, mature way. “You can talk to me about anything” will not do it when it comes to sexual desires, subjects and fears your children may have. You will simply have to play an active role here, “Being there” is not enough. In fact, even if there is a healthy environment, they may not turn to you because they may very well be afraid to embarrass you.

Another well known crisis is the following scene: mommy has just been tied down on the bed and John junior walks into the bedroom, complaining about a painful tummy. This is a scene you will first of all want to try and prevent. If you are into erotic power exchange, make it a simple family policy that the parent bedroom is off limits, that a simple knock on a door is the polite thing to do in any case and that the door may be locked on occasion, simply because mommy and daddy appreciate a little privacy on occasion.

If a situation like this ever happens – talk to your child immediately! (no matter what time of the night it is) Simply explain the situation. If you don?t You’ll run into all sorts of problems later. Remember that parents are the ultimate role models.

At what age?

It is difficult to give any general guideline about the right age to inform children about alternative forms of sexuality. One thing however is certain, there is very little use in telling them about it if there is insufficient fertile soil (in other words if more general sexual subjects have not been covered first) and if they are unable to understand what you are trying to explain. Some children – girls especially – will start to understand at the age of 14 or 15. Others – boys are slower! – will only be ready at 17 or 18. In any case, subjects like alternative lifestyles are something for a more mature age and certainly not for young children. If they are unable to understand the subject, it will be very likely your effort will turn out to be counterproductive.

Another important thing: give them time. Children, especially adolescents, go through a turmoil of sexual fantasies, uncertainties and developments between the ages of eight and fifteen. And just because girls start to menstruate that does not mean that boys do not have similar huge emotional steps to go through. The first wet dream has just as much impact as the first menstruation. Don?t overfeed them with information. Especially not any information that comes on top of the normal experimental phase, the hormonal changes and the growing pains. Children – adolescents especially – need time to experiment, discover their own sexuality. Your need to tell them about erotic power exchange – unless they specifically ask – is indeed your need, not theirs.

Overenthusiastic plans to tell them about your inclination may heavily interfere with the development of their own sexuality and that may very well cause serious problems later.

Also, do remember that adolescents especially are extremely receptive to sexually related subjects at this age and that shame and uncertainty play a big part in their life. They are exploring. Let them – but do remember that anything you tell them now will be a HUGE IMPRINT. Here is a good example of just how big. A young – 12 year old – boy after his first wet dream was told by his mother that he had only a limited quantity of sperm available and that he was not supposed to waste any of it. This of course scared the living daylights out of him. Twenty years later it took a very experienced therapist well over three years to get this imprint out of his head. Until that point he had been too afraid to even try and make love, hence had turned impotent.

To Be Continued Next Week…

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
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