What to tell them?

Well, as we explained, children don’t want to know about the sexual activity of their parents. So you’ll have to concentrate on a more general approach: i.e. there are homosexuals, bisexuals, lesbians, people into erotic power exchange, etcetera and it is absolutely normal to have non-mainstream preferences, inclinations or fantasies. Do explain that people who will try to tell them different are simply intolerant.

Once you have fertilized the soil this way and sexual subjects have become normal subjects for your children to talk about or ask questions about (even if these questions are difficult or “abnormal”) you have won three quarters of the battle. Because once you have established this situation – which is a long term strategy – not only will you have given your children a much more mature and tolerant outlook on sexuality (and they are less likely to become pregnant at an early age, run into some sort of of sexually transmitted disease or anything similar) but you will have created an environment where they will start to ask questions.

This is a long term strategy that – ideally – should start at a very early age (playing with your own sex-organ is NOT unnatural for example, all children do it and usually at a very early age). As soon as you have established a climate, where sexual subjects are just as normal as asking questions about math-tests at school, it will be likely your kids will start to ask questions. THAT is the right time to talk about erotic power exchange, because now they are receptive to it and probably up to it. Explain it to them in general terms, not as “this is what daddy does to mommy”. At a later stage, again only after the soil has been prepared and fertilized, you may want to – casually – tell them know mommy and daddy are into it as well.

How to tell them?

Most experts on sexual – or any – education will tell you that education is a dual process – explaining and a bit of initiative by the educator on one end and exploration and discovery by the child on the other. Which is why any responsible sexual educator will provide written material (books or Internet information) on the subject as well as explanation, guidance and personal information. That is exactly what you should try and do. Get yourself some books (on general sexual education) and make sure these books are the tolerant, non-prejudiced kind. If and when the subject of erotic power exchange is being brought up: provide information about the subject they can read for themselves (remember that it is not unlikely they may already have done some exploration themselves), but make sure this is in a format that children or adolescents will understand.

Again, in your role as educator take a neutral, more general approach and try to avoid your OWN personal preferences and involvement at this stage and only, casually, tell them later about the fact that you are into it as well.

In general, boys are more likely to talk to daddy about sexual issues, girls are more likely to pick mommy for this job. Hence sexual education is something BOTH parents should get themselves involved in. Not every parent is good at this. No problem, there is nothing wrong with telling your children that you have difficulty explaining this or that or that you may have to educate yourself first.

Erotic power exchange behavior

Couples will often have behavior patterns and house rules, that are the result of the power exchange dynamics between the two partners. Examples are things like the submissive always has to obey the dominant, she has limited control over money, she has to greet in a certain way and such. In principle there is nothing wrong with this, but there are some things to consider in this area.

Make sure you set the right examples for your children. You – as a parent – are the ultimate role model. If limited budget control is the system in your family, that does not have to be a problem, as long long as you explain that this is not the way everybody does this and that your daughters will have to learn to control their own budgets.

Punishments, kneeling down and over-enthusiastic house rules are out of the question when children are present. You’ll have to look for more subtle ways to make the power dynamics explicit or simply refrain from them in the presence of children. If you set the wrong role model you may create unwanted, unbalanced or unhealthy behavior patterns later and not everything can be corrected by explaining.

Finally it is not all that difficult as long as you understand that there is NO need to know from the child’s point of view. Very likely YOU are the one wanting to explain the situation – the only question you have to ask yourself is whether or not that is productive and has anything to contribute to the child’s upbringing and development. In general terms, general, tolerant and open-minded sexual education is GOOD. Very good. In any event – even unintentionally – projecting your needs and desires on your children is NOT GOOD.

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
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