Especially for the submissive partner it is important to understand that it is hardly possible to cope with the more complex Shibari forms, without some basic physical training. To start with: you need to know about what being bound and feeling helpless and exposed feels like and you need to understand general basics such as negotiation, mutual respect and trust and both partners need to (learn to) understand each other completely, since this is a group effort.

These training aspects in itself are one of the appealing – and important – aspects of Shibari. Again working towards a goal the partners will find satisfaction in the training process – which may take many years for both – even if the end goal is not entirely achieved. Shibari is about finding balance, finding the OPTIMUM between partners, not the MAXIMUM. As such the perfect balance between partners (the optimum) in the Japanese line of thought is the maximum.

But the giver needs training as well. He needs a balanced personality, able to set aside his personal motivation in favor of the group-effort. Even though he will – and is expected to – be the leader of the team and hence the leader in the action, he needs to understand that there is nothing to lead if there is nobody to lead and that leadership can only flourish – and de facto be – is there is someone to lead.

This is one of the fundamentals of any martial art. There cannot be a fight if there are no people fighting. Meaning you need at least two people two constitute a fight. In that sense, none of the martial arts acknowledges a winner or a loser. All will only acknowledge the fight itself and the skills of the fighters.

Self-control is another major subject. To the giver, especially this means he will need to acknowledge the very fundamentals of every martial art

1/ first of all, never experiment with things you do not know about and never try to introduce complex Shibari to a novice partner without introducing the technique first. Give your partner sufficient time to learn and experience;

2/ all participants in a martial art have an obligation to study the art and all participants have an obligation not to practice the art in an unsafe environment, situation or manner;

3/ you can use a minimum of technique to get the maximum effect and you only introduce a new technique (or a new bondage layer) if the previous ones have done their job;

4/ finally: take your time. Building up a Shibari session often will take hours. Compare it to carrying your partner up the stairs, one step at a time and not going to the next step until you are fully balanced on the one you are on. In this sense you can compare Shibari to the different stages (plateau’s) of female sexual arousal. If you do it right you coincide directly with the plateau’s.

Shibari is something you need to learn. Having to learn about sexuality is a concept that is not native to most of the Western sexual cultures, where sex is considered something you just do (and are supposed to know about), but not something you learn, develop and talk about. You will have to practice, try, retry and communicate with each other about it to get acquainted with the techniques and the different effects. This is a whole new discovery-trip if you are open to the technique as well as to your partner.

To Be Continued…

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
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