Almost every BDSM relationship, regardless its nature, will almost automatically develop its own protocol, either because the dominant sets certain rules – his sub must adhere to – or because the two of you simply “grow into it”.

Experienced doms and subs alike will tell you, that just about the worst beginner mistake you can make is too set either too many rules, unrealistic ones, or both. And, worst of all, an unspoken rule becomes a drag in no time and will work very counterproductive. In fact, unspokend rules may endanger your entire relationship.

Good Advise:
Keep it simple. you will do both of you a big favor

Let us give you a few examples. Almost all dominants will have dress rules for their slave. These may be anything from wearing skirts only to wearing sexy dresses – or being naked – around the house, certain color schemes or certain designs.

For starters: when you do this, think ahead! Wearing sexy dresses in your private home will sooner or later backfire on you. The meterman, your mother-in-law, the postman, a colleague from work, a neighbor … all sorts of people have a tendency to show up on your doorstep unexpectedly and uninvited and usually at the most inconvenient of moments. Even with no children around the house to worry about, you will find yourself in an awkward situation sooner or later. There are more clever ways to go about this:

• Provide with an option to cover herself in case of an emergency or an unexpected guest, for example keep a long robe sealed somewhere. If she breaks the seal (hence uses the robe) there will be need for an explanation.

• Provide sexy, but not all that explicit clothing for this purpose. With a little bit of creativity you will be able to find items like these in normal clothing shops.

More Effective Methods

More experienced dominants will usually develop much more effective methods – preferably those that simply need no, or very little, checking up:

• If there are certain items you do not want her to use, simply remove them entirely or lock them away (leaving at least some of them, but locked away – this may come in handy for emergency cases). This is especially useful for lingerie.

• Reduce the number of items she has on an overall basis. This will compel her to be more efficient with what she has left, meaning she is likely to opt for none or very little, every time she can.

• Replace items you dislike with items you like (do not go for ONLY sexy, there will be times when she simply needs normal clothing.

These are the most frequently made mistakes in this area (which usually means you’ll have to re-buy items):

• Like it or not, in most parts of the world people do need winter clothing, you may not like that, but a cold and frequently sick slave is no fun at all.

• Accidents do happen and so do unexpected visits to the doctor, the hospital, having to attend a funeral or a wedding for example. Don’t throw everything out, but keep one or two items behind lock and key for such occasions.

• Even if the two of you completely agree and are happy with it, don’t throw things out immediately, but for the first six months simply store unwanted items behind lock and key. Quite often some reduction choices turn out to be not very practical.

• An “I will pick your dress every day” rule sounds appealing but fact of the matter is that most men lose interest in such rules rather quickly or it simply won’t work on occasion. Much more effective is to provide her with a more general guideline, such as “skirts only” or a particular color scheme or general design requirements

Be Practical And Efficient

There can be many other areas where rules apply. The most common ones – besides dressing – are rules about make up, food, beverages and smoking.

The most efficient approach for you as a dom is: if you don’t want it, don’t buy it. If you don’t want her to drink but do want liquor around for yourself, keep it behind lock and key.

Many doms come up with a variety of rules, she must adhere to in daily life. Again, being practical beats overly enthusiastic fantasies every time. For example, having to ask if she can smoke a cigarette very quickly becomes a bore. Actually much more effective is to reduce the number, she is allowed to smoke per day/week (and store the excess quantity behind lock and key) or simply order her to quit smoking altogether, which is better for her health anyway.

Do you want her on a specific diet? Simply make sure she only has access to the food you want her to eat.

Save yourself the nuisance of endless inspections (that will fade sooner or later anyway). Keys are not just there to lock cuffs. Locks and keys work much better than rules and inspections. The easiest way to not have her use or eat anything is to not have it available.

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The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
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Copyright © Hans Meyer