THIS is TRUE by Randy Cassingham
A weekly column of oddities from around the world

WHAT’S IN A NAME? An Australian man is claiming discrimination because the Registrar of Births, Marriages and Deaths has refused to let him change his name. He wants his legal name to be ‘Prime Minister John Piss the Family Court and Legal Aid’, but was denied. “Mr Piss the Family Court and Legal Aid has been allowed a passport, entered on the electoral role, and has Telstra, taxation and banking records all sent to him,” argues his lawyer. “We are seeking an order preventing the Registrar from discriminating against people seeking name changes on political grounds.” The lawyer’s name: ‘Abolish Child Support and Family Court’. The Anti-Discrimination Tribunal hearing the case decided to call the men by more formal names: “the complainant” and “Mr Representative”. (5 Jul 98)(AFP) …Allowing the name change would be the best revenge.

SMOG ALERT, SMOG ALERT, SMOG ALERT!! Canadian authorities have warned that indoor “Monster Truck” shows and similar exhibitions are a hazard to the audiences. Holding such meets indoors can create life- threatening levels of carbon monoxide in the arena, especially in the upper decks. “We no longer permit such shows in the winter,” said a doctor from the Quebec Department of Public Health. “We only allow them during warm months so that doors can be opened to allow ventilation.” (9 Aug 98)(UPI) …Sheesh: first the shows cause brain damage, and now this.

STICK TO GAMBLING: Charles Hales said he went to the restroom at the Silver Star Casino in Philadelphia three years ago. Somehow, he got stuck to the toilet seat. Casino security had to bring him to a back room to pry the seat off. That was too much for Hales. “Walking down the aisle with a security guard and waddling like a duck was a little more than I could handle,” he says, so he has filed a $50,000 lawsuit against the casino, claiming that the seat must have been smeared with glue. The casino says no glue was found on the seat, and they provided paper seat covers in any case. (9 Aug 98)(AP) …Some people are never able to master craps.

BY THE BOOK: Rabbi Shmuley Boteach’s new book “Kosher Sex” is a hit in Britain, where it is selling 1000 copies per day. It argues that lusting after other men’s wives is a good idea, but marrying gentiles, masturbating and seeing prostitutes is a bad idea. The book also advocates liberal use of lingerie, mirrors and sexual aids by married people, and says husbands should work to satisfy their wives “until [she's] screaming the deity.” (9 Aug 98)(UPI) …With wording like that, who needs pictures?

PLASTIC NEWS: A Marin County, Calif., woman is being sued by her bank for refusing to pay more than $70,000 in charges on her credit card. Cynthia Haines ran up the bill by gambling on the Internet. She refuses to pay and has sued Visa, MasterCard and her bank, claiming that because gambling is illegal in California, the credit companies should not have allowed the charges to go through. Meanwhile, Michael Copp of Sheffield, Ohio, has been arrested and charged with felony theft of his mother’s credit card after he used it to pay the $2,496 fee for his girlfriend’s breast enlargement surgery. (23 Aug 98)(UPI, AP) …To be referred in case law as the “Kopp a feel” decision.

CARRY ON: Joseph Rushton, 37, a sergeant major in the British army, says the military has been “incredibly understanding” of his number one goal in life: to become a woman. Rushton has been taking female hormones for two years in his quest for gender reassignment, and plans to have surgery to make the change complete in a few months. The army is trying to decide if Rushton will still meet military standards after he is a woman. “We have no policy on transsexuals… but we have to determine if he’s fit to carry on serving,” a defense spokesman said. “I’m considered a first class soldier — I can blow up bridges, ski down mountains and free-fall from the skies,” said Rushton, who has been married four times and has one son. “But in my heart I just want to be a woman.” The military’s “understanding” may have taken a turn for the worse, however: after speaking to the media about his transgenderization, Rushton has been confined to his barracks. (23 Aug 98)(Reuters) …All dressed up and nowhere to go.

FURBAWL: The Animal Liberation Front is being condemned by animal lovers for releasing 6,000 mink from a fur farm in southern England. The mink are reported to have “slaughtered” numerous house pets and farm animals, and local authorities have authorized people to kill any mink they see. “They are damned vicious and I had to bash them,” said Jenny Sutton, “a housewife who became a local hero” after killing several of the animals with a shovel. The farm was near the New Forest, a wildlife preserve, and conservationists fear many of the wild animals there will be killed by the mink. Area residents compared the ALF’s action to an “own goal” — shooting a soccer goal into your own net. (30 Aug 98) (AFP) …In overtime. During the finals.

GIVE ME A SIGN: Tom Guntly was flying his small plane in Wausau, Wis., when the propeller fell off. It fell 1,500 feet and plunged into the ground “like a hot knife in butter,” police said. Guntly said the bolts holding the propeller on apparently snapped. He was able to glide back to the airport for a safe landing. “I feel quite lucky,” he said. (6 Sep 98)(AP) …If he was “lucky” it wouldn’t have fallen off in the first place.

NO, BUT HIS FACE RINGS A BELL: Plastic surgeon John Barker says that if a recent hand transplant proves successful, it could lead to other unusual transplants. “If we are successful with hands, doing something like a face is not a huge leap,” the Kentucky doctor says. Surgery to replace, for instance, a jaw removed because of cancer from bone and skin from other parts of the body is not always successful. “It is very difficult to make an arm look like a jaw,” Barker says. “Better results would come from taking a perfectly formed jaw from a cadaver and putting it in place.” (18 Oct 98)(UPI) …Or some other part where rigor mortis would be an advantage.

CAN’T PAY YOUR LEGAL BILL? “Lawyer Wants Death for Own Client” — AP headline

Joke of the Week
The world According to Andy Rooney…. Cripes: My wife’s from the Mid-west. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like ‘Cripes’. ‘For Cripe’s sake.’ Who would that be, Jesus Cripe’s? The son of ‘Gosh’ of the church of ‘Holy Moly’? I’m not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in ‘Heck’? Morning Differences: Men and women are different in the morning. The men wake up aroused in the morning. We can’t help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, ‘How can he want me the way I look in the morning?’ It’s because we can’t see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

FAN LETTER OF THE WEEK:
beautiful flower, your so very culturaly interresting, you enjoy your sexual explorations i enjoy them as i think about how to use this fricken computer, not much of a web surfer yet but you just might get me flying w/ that butiful ass and that deviant smile . me i’m from massuchusets total punk could give a little asian cuty like you one sinful cock in the ass and not say this much, hope you get the message do a photo for rage n grind those teeth see you w/b beautiful.