THIS is TRUE by Randy Cassingham
A weekly column of oddities from around the world

A POLITICIAN WITH TEETH: In 1981, Bosco was elected honorary mayor of Sunol, Calif., easily beating out two human contenders. Bosco, a Rottweiler-Labrador mix, died in 1994, but local Mike Cerny doesn’t want the ex-mayor of the unincorporated town to be forgotten. Cerny plans to open a restaurant, Bosco’s Bones and Brew, which will feature a memorial beer tap — a $3,500, life-sized model of Bosco. To draw a pint, the barkeep just lifts one of the dog’s hind legs. (AP) …Which is also a fitting tribute to the typical American brew.

OUR NEXT GUEST: After several incidents involving “fake” guests on TV talk shows, the Edinburgh (Scotland) International TV Festival hosted a panel discussion of television executives to talk about the problem. “Fake” guests are most often actors paid to promote a cause, or pranksters who just want to be on TV. Either way, several scandals have resulted, causing at least one show to be taken off the air. The TV Festival’s “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” debate was billed as a “lively, provocative and sometimes raucous look at one of the most talked about issues of the television year — chat show fakery.” During the debate, it was revealed that one of the panelists — the “researcher for talk show host Jerry Springer” — was a fake. (Reuters) …Hard: keeping up with the competition. Easier: dragging them down to your level.

WHO CAN I SAY IS CALLING? U.S. Justice Department Inspector General Michael Bromwich says that federal prisoners are using prison telephones to commit crimes, and the problem continues despite the fact that the Bureau of Prisons has known about it for over 20 years. “We found various cases in which inmates retained full telephone privileges even after they were convicted of a crime involving the use of prison telephones,” Bromwich said. In one case, a drug dealer used a prison phone to order the murders of two grand jury witnesses against him. One was killed and the other was shot, but lived. Even after being convicted for that crime, he still had full telephone privileges and his calls were not monitored, Bromwich said. (AP) …Yet your complaint calls to the phone company are “monitored for quality assurance.”

HARD TIME II: David Williams, 40, serving a life term for murder in West Virginia’s Mount Olive prison, pulled out a gun during a meeting with prison officials and started shooting. He was subdued and no one was hurt. His girlfriend, Anna Marie Thomas, 29, admits she smuggled the gun into the prison in her panties, saying jailers believed her when she told them it was metal in her boots that set off a metal detector. Williams says he had Thomas bring him the gun so he could show it to the warden and tell how he got it in trade for more lenient treatment. Thomas has been arrested, and complains that officials won’t let her visit Williams anymore. “I can’t write, we can’t call, we can’t do anything,” she said. “It’s not right.” (Charleston Gazette) …They’re made for each other: both really put the “I” into “Idiot”.

HARD TIME III: Police investigating a burglary in Marion, Ky., saw Justin Jones, 29, in the area. They thought Jones was in jail, so they went to check. Deputy jailer Francisco Barela, 22, said Jones was in his cell, but officers demanded to see for themselves. Jones indeed was not there, but a search of cells found prisoners had cold beer and loaded guns — and one was in bed with a woman. Inmates told police the “party atmosphere” started when Barela started working at the jail. He has been arrested — and is being held in a different jail. (AP) …If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

SO EASY, A RAT COULD DO IT: Lord Bath’s Longleat Estate in Wiltshire, England, holds the record for the longest garden maze. The maze, made from 3.25 miles (5.2 km) of hedges, attracts visitors from all over the world — who promptly get lost. But recently, people in the maze have been calling Longleat’s business office on their portable phones for help getting out. “I don’t know what they think we can do as we don’t know where they are either,” says attractions manager Tim Bentley. “Really, if you are going to go into a maze, then you’ll get lost. That’s the point, isn’t it?” (Reuters) …Sounds like intentional infliction of emotional distress. Surely a lawsuit will follow soon.

STRICT: Hendersonville (Tenn.) High School Principal Paul Decker is embarrassed over the student handbook, given to new students as they started the new school year. “Profane language will not be tolerated,” it says. “Stern discipline will be death to any student guilty of this conduct.” Decker says he thinks people will understand “dealt” was misspelled. “Most folks know that it was a misprint,” he assured reporters. (AP) …”The best lie is the truth told unconvincingly.”

FREE AT LAST? When fifth-grade teacher Barb Vogel told her students at Highline Community School in Aurora, Colo., that children were being sold as slaves in the Sudan, they wanted to do something about it. They raised money to buy more than 1,000 slaves and set them free, and then started to raise additional money to buy more. “Please reconsider,” begs Stephen Lewis of the United Nations Children’s Fund. “If you can pay for more slaves, undoubtedly more slaves will be provided for you.” Manase Lomole Waya, director of Humanitarian Assistance for South Sudan, agrees, saying the buyback program “is not eradicating slavery, it is enhancing it.” Publicity over Highline’s efforts have spurred similar programs in about 100 other schools, leading to dropping prices for slaves — showing an excess supply and increasing competition among slave traders, anti-slavery experts say. Vogel says she’ll let the kids decide whether to continue, but they don’t seem to understand the concept of supply and demand — so far, they want to continue the project. (Denver Post) …Is this really what people meant when they said schools ought to go back to the basics of the good old days?

DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES …NOR SUE: “General Motors: Air Bag Failure Not a Concern” — AP headline

THIS WEEK’S HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE goes to Joan R. Braden. Her varied career included stints as a U.S. State Department officer, public relations executive, magazine writer, television interviewer and aide to John F. Kennedy and Nelson A. Rockefeller. And in the meantime, she raised eight children. Her husband, newspaper columnist Tom Braden, wrote about her and the family in the book “Eight is Enough” — which was adapted into the TV series of the same name which ran 1977 to 1981. Of the eight kids, seven are still alive; the youngest, Tom, died in 1994. Mrs. Braden died August 29 from a heart attack. She was 77.

Children’s Books That Didn’t Make It…
1. You are Different and That’s Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad’s New Wife Fred
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids’ Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go To Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly
12. That’s It, I’m Putting You Up For Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have The Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking, and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were An Accident
20. Things Rick’s Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop! Goes the Hamster… And Other Great Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can’t Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

FAN LETTER OF THE WEEK:

“You are tied face down, spread-eagled on our very large bed. You are also blindfolded, heightening your other senses. You are stripped down to your very sexy bra and minuscule panties, which ride up your bottom and part your soft buttocks. Though you are secured quite tightly you are not uncomfortable – we have very soft cuffs around your wrists and ankles, which are attached to the corners of the bed. You can feel a pair of hands gently but firmly massaging your body. You are not aware whether it is me or B massaging you, in fact you have no idea who is in the room with you. Though the massage is not done in an erotic way, it is very relaxing, having your muscles gently squeezed and rubbed, relieving all the tension caught up in them. From your neck to your shoulders, down your back to the base of your spine the hands continue to ease all the tensions and knots, before moving down each leg to your bound feet. The hands soothe and relax as they go up and down your body, so much so that you begin to drift off into slumberland… Suddenly you are awoken by a stinging pain to your rear, as a leather strap is brought down three times in rapid succession on your buttocks. Your instinct is to get up, but you suddenly remember that you are securely tied to the bed. Though the blows to your bottom were not particularly hard, your buttocks smart from the blows and your can feel them begin to glow red.

Before you have chance to complain however, you suddenly feel cooling body lotion being poured onto your buttocks. A pair of hands begins to massage this in to your cheeks. Suddenly you feel another pair of hands join in, kneading and feeling your buttocks, and you realise that both of us are in the room with you. This time however, the massage has a different purpose. The four hands slide over your buttocks, down your legs and back up again. You pussy is beginning to get wet now and you struggle to try to bring it near to one of the hands gliding over you. However, they have no intention of giving you what you want. They are very careful not to come too close to you covered pussy, but carefully caress around it, deliberately teasing you. You suddenly feel a warm breath on the back of you neck, and a pair of lips gently kiss and nuzzle you. Then you feel a pair of soft breasts glide over your back, back and forth, gently caressing your skin. The nipples harden, and as you feel them press into your back you long to be able to turn round and feel them with you own hands. Your own nipples are as hard as bullets, and you would love to rub them up against B’s, to feel her warm skin and the contrast between the soft flesh of her tits and the hardness of her nipples.

Meanwhile, my hands continue to stroke your buttocks and legs, and by now your pussy has become so wet that your panties are soaked through. My hands though, still refuse to touch your pussy, and you cry out for one of us to touch your wetness. In a flash you are released form your bonds and quickly turned over. Your hands immediately reach out to touch either of us, thinking that you will now be able to join in, but before you have a chance you are pinned down on your back and your hands secured. With your legs spread apart you beg for some attention to your pussy, and attempt to buck your hips to meet something, anything, that might touch it. Suddenly however, you feel cold metal against your upper body and panic slightly, until you suddenly realise it is a pair of scissors snipping the straps of you bra.

The material is removed and you wait in anticipated feeling our eyes burning into your skin, as we admire your breasts. One of us is each side of you, and you feel a hand cupping each breast, stroking the skin around the nipples. In unison we both take a rock hard nipple between our finger and thumb and gently squeeze and rub it. Then, you feel warm breath on both of your nipples as we both begin to take a nipple intoour mouths. Our lips and mouths caress your tits, rolling our tongues around your nipples, sucking them into our mouths and gently biting them, teasing you until you are thrashing around on the bed. Having both tits suckled at once is almost too much for you. “Touch my cunt” you say. ‘Finger me, suck me, fuck me, do anything to me.

Please!!” But nothing is done in a rush. Gradually I move my head down your body, kissing past your navel, while B straddles you, leans down and presses her body against yours. You feel her tits press against yours, and then her mouth closes over yours, her tongue snaking its way into yours. You respond eagerly, frantically, passionately, kissing and sucking her closer to you. My head is now directly over your covered pussy. I press my mouth against the soaking crotch of your knickers and breathe in the aroma of your pussy. Your body jerks up automatically. With one swift move, I have grabbed the scissors, snipped the sides of your knickers and ripped them off you. Your pussy is now fully exposed, the pink lips glistening with your juices, begging for attention. In fact you are so wet that your juices are running down between the cheeks of your bottom, creating a damp patch on the sheet below.

B has now moved up your body and is straddling your face. You can smell the gorgeous scent of her pussy, knowing that it is just inches away from your mouth. You instinctively open your mouth and B moves her pussy close enough for you to taste her juices. You press your mouth against her and I hear her gasp as you taste her pussy. Her pussy is soaking wet, her juices running down between her thighs and it is then that you are not the only one feeling so horny. I am now between your legs, and hearing B gasp, I move my mouth to your pussy and trace my tongue along one side of your lips, around your clit, and then down the other. Though you are bound, you manage to move your hips enough so that your pussy is pressed hard against my mouth. My tongue explores your crevices, and I lick and suck you clit and lips, my face becoming covered with your juices, while at the other end of the bed your mouth is doing the same to B. As I continue to tongue your pussy, your breathing increases rapidly and I sense you are close to orgasm. B too, is starting to moan and is also close to coming. I continue alternately flicking my tongue over your clit and pushing it inside your hot cunt. Just as you think you are about to reach the point of no return, I stop what I am doing and move away.

B too raises her pussy from your mouth. “Don’t fucking stop” you scream “I’ve got to come”. Just then you feel something hard but small pushed into your gaping pussy. At first you don’t realise what it is, but when turned on it suddenly it reveals itself as a vibrating love egg. The vibrations are very slow. They are keeping you on the edge of coming, but refuse to take you over it. “Please turn it up” you plead “Make me come, please!” Suddenly you sense bodies over you face and try to work out what is happening. Then it dawns on you that inches from your face, so close that you can almost touch it, I have my rock hard cock inside B’s juicy pussy. You begin to make out the movements as I pump my prick in and out of her cunt from behind, hearing the slap of our bodies as they contact at the end of each thrust. At one point I completely withdraw and you feel my smooth balls brush against your lips. Your tongue instinctively darts out and gives them one quick lick, before my cock is returned back into B’s hot pussy. “Give it to me! Fuck me! Lick me! Make me come!” you shout. Meanwhile the vibrating in your pussy is driving you crazy, and you desperately buck your hips and move in any way that might make you come. You can hear B’s orgasm fast approaching and you are desperate for the same release. My cock is starting to twitch as it has been rock hard for the past hour. Suddenly B starts to come and you can feel her body convulsing directly above you, as she reaches a very long and powerful orgasm, before collapsing on top of you in a 69 position.

I move to the other end of the bed and remove the egg from your pussy. You are so desperate by now you are close to tears. B climbs off you and we release you from your bonds, though leaving the cuffs on your wrists still on, before leading you, still blindfold into another room. You can tell that you are now in the bathroom. You are guided into the shower and your cuffs are fastened to two points above and to either side of your head. In this ‘crucifixion’ position you suddenly feel the powerful warm spray of water as it is directed all over your naked body. The jet of water is then directed against your pussy and you groan as once again the teasing begins. You realise that I am standing behind you with B in front of you, as we begin to gently soap all over your body. You catch your breath as the slippery feel of our hands make their way over your tits, your stomach and over your buttocks. You feel the tip of my finger side into anus and you spasm as your muscles clench around it. B is sliding her tits against yours, and is moving her hand down to your pussy. She slips a finger into your wetness before rubbing it against your clit, making you gasp. She circles your clit with her finger while I gently bite the back of your neck. You can feel my hard prick pressing into your buttocks. I squeeze your nipples and B. rubs your clit faster. This is it. You know that you cannot hold on any longer. You are going to come and no one can stop you. I quickly release your arms and you grab one of B’s tits in one hand while the other instinctively finds its way to her pussy. You are just beginning to come as I quickly slide my cock into your steaming hot pussy. You scream out as I enter you and I feel the muscles in your pussy tighten around my cock. B thrusts her body into yours, grinding her clit against yours. This is too much for anybody to resist. My cock explodes inside you, and I pump what feels like gallons of spunk into you. Your body convulses and legs shake as you come noisily. B’s pussy is soaking as the excitement sends her tumbling over the edge and she reaches her second orgasm. We all collapse into each other, exhausted from the orgasms. After a couple of minutes we regain our composure and leisurely begin to soap each other all over. As hands pass over nipples they begin to harden again. My cock, under the caresses of several soapy hands begins to rise again. Somehow I don’t think we’re all finished yet…”

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