THIS is TRUE by Randy Cassingham
A weekly column of oddities from around the world

A POLITICIAN WITH TEETH: In 1981, Bosco was elected honorary mayor of Sunol, Calif., easily beating out two human contenders. Bosco, a Rottweiler-Labrador mix, died in 1994, but local Mike Cerny doesn’t want the ex-mayor of the unincorporated town to be forgotten. Cerny plans to open a restaurant, Bosco’s Bones and Brew, which will feature a memorial beer tap — a $3,500, life-sized model of Bosco. To draw a pint, the barkeep just lifts one of the dog’s hind legs. (AP) …Which is also a fitting tribute to the typical American brew.

OUR NEXT GUEST: After several incidents involving “fake” guests on TV talk shows, the Edinburgh (Scotland) International TV Festival hosted a panel discussion of television executives to talk about the problem. “Fake” guests are most often actors paid to promote a cause, or pranksters who just want to be on TV. Either way, several scandals have resulted, causing at least one show to be taken off the air. The TV Festival’s “Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire” debate was billed as a “lively, provocative and sometimes raucous look at one of the most talked about issues of the television year — chat show fakery.” During the debate, it was revealed that one of the panelists — the “researcher for talk show host Jerry Springer” — was a fake. (Reuters) …Hard: keeping up with the competition. Easier: dragging them down to your level.

WHO CAN I SAY IS CALLING? U.S. Justice Department Inspector General Michael Bromwich says that federal prisoners are using prison telephones to commit crimes, and the problem continues despite the fact that the Bureau of Prisons has known about it for over 20 years. “We found various cases in which inmates retained full telephone privileges even after they were convicted of a crime involving the use of prison telephones,” Bromwich said. In one case, a drug dealer used a prison phone to order the murders of two grand jury witnesses against him. One was killed and the other was shot, but lived. Even after being convicted for that crime, he still had full telephone privileges and his calls were not monitored, Bromwich said. (AP) …Yet your complaint calls to the phone company are “monitored for quality assurance.”

HARD TIME II: David Williams, 40, serving a life term for murder in West Virginia’s Mount Olive prison, pulled out a gun during a meeting with prison officials and started shooting. He was subdued and no one was hurt. His girlfriend, Anna Marie Thomas, 29, admits she smuggled the gun into the prison in her panties, saying jailers believed her when she told them it was metal in her boots that set off a metal detector. Williams says he had Thomas bring him the gun so he could show it to the warden and tell how he got it in trade for more lenient treatment. Thomas has been arrested, and complains that officials won’t let her visit Williams anymore. “I can’t write, we can’t call, we can’t do anything,” she said. “It’s not right.” (Charleston Gazette) …They’re made for each other: both really put the “I” into “Idiot”.

HARD TIME III: Police investigating a burglary in Marion, Ky., saw Justin Jones, 29, in the area. They thought Jones was in jail, so they went to check. Deputy jailer Francisco Barela, 22, said Jones was in his cell, but officers demanded to see for themselves. Jones indeed was not there, but a search of cells found prisoners had cold beer and loaded guns — and one was in bed with a woman. Inmates told police the “party atmosphere” started when Barela started working at the jail. He has been arrested — and is being held in a different jail. (AP) …If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.

SO EASY, A RAT COULD DO IT: Lord Bath’s Longleat Estate in Wiltshire, England, holds the record for the longest garden maze. The maze, made from 3.25 miles (5.2 km) of hedges, attracts visitors from all over the world — who promptly get lost. But recently, people in the maze have been calling Longleat’s business office on their portable phones for help getting out. “I don’t know what they think we can do as we don’t know where they are either,” says attractions manager Tim Bentley. “Really, if you are going to go into a maze, then you’ll get lost. That’s the point, isn’t it?” (Reuters) …Sounds like intentional infliction of emotional distress. Surely a lawsuit will follow soon.

STRICT: Hendersonville (Tenn.) High School Principal Paul Decker is embarrassed over the student handbook, given to new students as they started the new school year. “Profane language will not be tolerated,” it says. “Stern discipline will be death to any student guilty of this conduct.” Decker says he thinks people will understand “dealt” was misspelled. “Most folks know that it was a misprint,” he assured reporters. (AP) …”The best lie is the truth told unconvincingly.”

FREE AT LAST? When fifth-grade teacher Barb Vogel told her students at Highline Community School in Aurora, Colo., that children were being sold as slaves in the Sudan, they wanted to do something about it. They raised money to buy more than 1,000 slaves and set them free, and then started to raise additional money to buy more. “Please reconsider,” begs Stephen Lewis of the United Nations Children’s Fund. “If you can pay for more slaves, undoubtedly more slaves will be provided for you.” Manase Lomole Waya, director of Humanitarian Assistance for South Sudan, agrees, saying the buyback program “is not eradicating slavery, it is enhancing it.” Publicity over Highline’s efforts have spurred similar programs in about 100 other schools, leading to dropping prices for slaves — showing an excess supply and increasing competition among slave traders, anti-slavery experts say. Vogel says she’ll let the kids decide whether to continue, but they don’t seem to understand the concept of supply and demand — so far, they want to continue the project. (Denver Post) …Is this really what people meant when they said schools ought to go back to the basics of the good old days?

DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES …NOR SUE: “General Motors: Air Bag Failure Not a Concern” — AP headline

THIS WEEK’S HONORARY UNSUBSCRIBE goes to Joan R. Braden. Her varied career included stints as a U.S. State Department officer, public relations executive, magazine writer, television interviewer and aide to John F. Kennedy and Nelson A. Rockefeller. And in the meantime, she raised eight children. Her husband, newspaper columnist Tom Braden, wrote about her and the family in the book “Eight is Enough” — which was adapted into the TV series of the same name which ran 1977 to 1981. Of the eight kids, seven are still alive; the youngest, Tom, died in 1994. Mrs. Braden died August 29 from a heart attack. She was 77.

Joke of the Week
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says:”I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.” The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear: “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?”

FAN LETTER OF THE WEEK:
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