TAKE TWO JOKES AND CALL ME IN THE MORNING: Laughter really is good medicine, says the president of the new Nordic Society for Medical Humor. Dr. Stein Tyrdal, an orthopedic surgeon from Oslo, Norway, says humor “helps people feel better when they are sick,” and laughter helps improve circulation, relaxes muscles, and is a natural anti-depressant. Even better, “overdoses are impossible,” says Society member Dr. Niels Carl Loenberg. “There’s nothing like sex, good food, music and humor to stay fit.” (AP) …Finally: a diet that people can live with.

PROOF OF CONCEPT: Kevin Sean Rowe, 34, thought it would be fun to squish a quarter on the tracks of an oncoming train. The Fort Lauderdale, Fla., writer walked onto the tracks, put the coin down and waited for the southbound train to run it over. “I was very much aware of the first train,” he said. “I was utterly oblivious to the second one.” Rowe was standing on the northbound track, his back to another train coming the other way. The collision left him with a fractured skull, broken ribs and a collapsed lung, but he will recover. (Reuters) …Laughter really is good medicine: everyone laughed at him, and he’s going to be OK!

DRIVER’S ED: A 16-year-old student and a 20-year-old former student of Central Bucks East High School in Buckingham, Penn., decided to kill themselves, police say. The duo, driving the 16-year-old’s grandfather Pontiac, decided to accomplish their pact by crashing into the school. Police estimate the car was going about 80 mph when it smashed into the school’s gymnasium, causing $70,000 in damage. The two were not killed, or even seriously injured. “The airbags deployed,” Buckingham Police Chief Steven Daniels explained. “They absorbed most of the impact.” What the airbags didn’t do, seatbelts did – both were wearing them. Principal Joseph Jenelle said he doubted the suicide pact theory. “The question is, why would you wear seatbelts?” (Philadelphia Intelligencer) …A few kids always do what they’re told.

TAKE THAT! Britain considered taking drastic action against the Soviet Union in retribution for its sending tanks into Czechoslovakia in 1968. It nearly didn’t send Leonid Brezhnev a Christmas card. Foreign Secretary Michael Stewart wanted to scratch “the Russians and their fellow sinners” from the greetings list, but Prime Minister Harold Wilson’s cooler head prevailed. “It seems petty to change the practice,” he wrote to Stewart. “It creates the maximum annoyance with no gain whatsoever.” (Reuters) …But sir, that is the primary function of government.

THE BLIND LEADING THE BLIND: The Texas Commission for the Blind is charged with helping the visually impaired get jobs. But a federal probe has shown the Commission has violated the Americans with Disabilities Act. The problem? The Justice Department says the Commission discriminated against two of its employees because they had impaired vision. The Commission has settled with the employees, paying one $50,000 and another $5,000. (UPI) …Ah, yes: “Do as we say, not as we do” is indeed the other primary function of government.

HOPING FOR PROMOTION TO SHORT ORDER COOK: Steve Vento is only 4-foot-4, and he enjoys his job. He walks around Nacho Mama’s, a Mexican restaurant in Milwaukee, Wisc., serving customers chips and salsa out of his hat. But a spokesman for Little People of America calls Vento’s job humiliating. “It’s horrifying to realize that people are still being exploited for their size,” says LPA vice president Anthony Soares. “You couldn’t do that with, say, an Asian pulling a rickshaw.” Vento shrugs it off. “We’ve had only one person saying that it was degrading.” (AP) …It doesn’t sound as degrading as strangers telling him what he should and shouldn’t do for a living.

DANCING CHEEK TO CHEEK: A night club in Balsall Common, England, has announced that it will hold monthly nudist nights. “I just want to create an atmosphere where naturists can dance, drink and socialize,” the club’s manager said. Meanwhile, grocery chain Tesco said it will experiment with nude shopping in its store in St Leonards, East Sussex. “We have always said we would consider the needs of any specialist groups,” a spokesman said. “Naturists are all shoppers and their trade is as welcome as anybody else’s.” (AFP, London Telegraph) …It can’t possibly be long before the clerks tire of the excuse, “Sorry, but I seem to have left my wallet in the car.”

INSULT TO INJURY: Hernan Herrera, 36, was not seriously injured when he lost control of his car in Miami Beach, Fla., and crashed into two utility poles. He had gotten out of his car to look at the downed wires when another car hit them. That pulled one of the poles down, hitting Herrera in the head, killing him. Meanwhile Betty Stobbs, 67, of Durham, England, took a bale of hay out to feed her sheep on the back of her motorbike. They were apparently hungry. The sheep ran up to her to get at the hay, a witness said, and knocked her off a cliff into a quarry. Stobbs was killed when hit by the motorbike, which tumbled down after her. (AP, Reuters) …Silenced by the lambs.

THE LONG LEGS OF THE LAW: “Black-Belt Prosecutor Leg-Locks Defendant” — Reuters Headline

“TOP 25 SAYINGS WE’D LIKE TO SEE ON THOSE OFFICE INSPIRATIONAL POSTERS”
Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines  Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them. We put the “k” in “kwality.”

Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity

A person who smiles in the face of adversity…probably has a scapegoat.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably  haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.

Plagiarism saves time.

If at first you don’t succeed, try management.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

TEAMWORK…means never having to take all the blame yourself.

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.

We waste time, so you don’t have to.

Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!

Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.

Succeed in spite of management.

Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.

We waste more time by 8:00 in the morning than other companies do all day.

You pretend to work, and we’ll pretend to pay you.

Work: It isn’t just for sleeping anymore.