People use cars for different reasons. Most use them (more or less) occasionally: to go to work, to do shopping, to visit grandma or to drop the kids off at school. Others, such as truck drivers, Formula 1 racers and taxi drivers make a profession out of driving a car.

Let’s cross over to BDSM. Again, probably the vast majority of people into it do it occasionally, just for the fun of it. But a bunch of others are in totally different relationship: D/s, 24/7 or TPE, the people who have taken BDSM beyond the kink.

TPE falls into the latter category. Compared to the professional car-drivers: a Formula 1 driver is NOT the top end of taxi driving or truck driving. And a truck driver will probably never make a good rally driver. In other words: while they all use cars professionally, they use them in different ways. And one is not better than the other, just different – totally different.

In that same way TPE is totally different from all other forms of BDSM. But …. it is still BDSM. Or better, it is a relationship in which forms and techniques are used, that are also used in other forms of BDSM. Not the TOP of BDSM (in other words the ultimate goal everyone should reach for). Just different. Unfortunately: TPE is often romanticized – such as in “The Story of O” or the “Beauty” novels.

TPE stands for Total Power Exchange (sometimes also known as Absolute Power Exchange or APE). And the essence of TPE is in the fact that the exchange takes place in the very beginning of the relationship. As opposed to all other forms of BDSM there is no growth in the amount of power, exchanged between partners. It is total, absolute, all-encompassing and non-negotiable from the start. And something that is already total cannot grow any larger. Compare it to a light bulb: flip the switch and it is ON. Flip the switch again and it is OFF. And these are the exact two choices, a slave has in a TPE relationship: he or she can either be the full and total slave of the owner – or leave the relationship altogether.

The Babylonic Waterfall of Tongues
The BDSM community – in its endless and unproductive efforts to find ever more words for ever smaller personal niches of power exchange – has a habit of constantly inventing new words and descriptions: such as “consensual non-consensual”. This does not really help and is the main reason why there is much misinformation about TPE around.

TPE is basically simple: it is as close as one can get to the age-old principle of slavery: I own you and I can do with you as I please.
Now don’t get me wrong: that does not mean a TPE owner will run to the nearest Home Depot, get himself a nice chain saw and hack off ………………………… Nope. TPE owners are indeed the proud and responsible owner of a (sometimes more) slave and they will cherish, love and care for that property in the same way people care for their other property. But that does not change the fact that the slave indeed is considered property. By the owner AND by the slave.

Fruitless efforts to “downgrade” whatever it is you do, by finding other (fluffy) words for it, doesn’t help. Clarity does. In TPE the dominant is (or considers him or herself to be) the owner of one or more human properties and the slave is (or considers him or herself to be) such property in the same way the house, the pets, the car, the furniture and the fridge are the property of the owner. And in the same way the car, the chairs and the bed have no rights, the slave has none. But in the same way an owner will feed, love, cherish and care for his or her dog or cat he or she will do so for his or her slave(s).
But …… in the same way the owner will train his or her horse or dog to do what the owner wants it to do, act the way the owner wants it to act and look and behave like the owner wants it to behave, the TPE owner will change, modify, train and condition his or her slave(s) to his or her liking – without asking the slave if he/she likes that or not.. That is where one of the main differences with all other forms of BDSM is: concepts like safewords and negotiation are NOT in the TPE-vocabulary.

Now does this mean the slave is being treated like a dog? It is a question often asked and the answer is simple: does one, who owns a horse, condition it to fetch the owner’s shoes or guard the property? No, of course not. Does one train a dog to catch mice? Or a cat to produce milk? In that same way a slave owner “owns” a human being and will treat it as such. But that human being is still property, just like the dog, the cat, the horse or the cow. A cow does not ask to be used as a milk factory – it simply is because humans want it to be one. A human slave does not ask to be a slave, he or she is one because the owner wants it to be and the slaves feels he or she IS one by nature. Not just “a” slave, but the slave the owner wants it to be – in every aspect.

A TPE slave is one because he or she knows (s)he was born to be one. And just like a woman cannot negotiate aspects of her womanhood or a caucasian cannot be black or yellow for a day or two during the week a TPE slave cannot be anything else but him or herself: a slave without concessions. In that same way a TPE owner is indeed an owner.

The Rights of the Slave
Whenever discussing TPE people fall over each other trying to explain that it is unsafe, unhealthy or plain ridiculous for a slave to have no rights. Well, that is where another major misconception is. Of course a human slave, in this day and age, has rights.

But the fact of the matter is that a TPE owner will WANT his or her slave(s) to flourish, develop. grow, be healthy and happy. In simple terms: a dead slave is of no use. Neither is an unhappy slave or one that does not feel loved, cared for, cherished and protected. Not being a good, responsible owner is simply counterproductive, especially since TPE requires lots and lots of emotional investments and even more time spent to work on the relationship than probably any other relationship and that goes for owner and slave alike.

TPE is NOT “my way or the highway”, but instead it is actually a fair and square (and very clear) deal from day one. Both owner and slave have the all-important option to NOT enter into the TPE relationship. And both have the option to leave the relationship (which will – as time progresses – due to the nature of the relationship indeed become less and less of an option to the slave). A TPE-relationship is a consensual one, albeit that the consequences of entering into one are huge and serious. But let’s face it – having kids is just as huge a consequence of a relationship and quite a few people do not even think about these!

TPE is about facing the consequences of your desires, wants, needs and maybe even your personality. Yes that is huge, yes that is tough but ….. that’s life. If you don’t want it, can’t handle it or if you feel it is not a good idea for you personally: don’t do it!. Just don’t judge the people who do.

It is Anything BUT Moonlight and Roses
Unfortunately many have rather poetic assumptions about TPE. “The ultimate sacrifice for my Master” is one of them. “I want to be (an) O” is another. If these are your motives, DON’T even think about TPE. Total Power Exchange (if it works) is highly rewarding and one of the most intense forms of BDSM. Yes it does require a certain (probably high) level of spirituality. But first and foremost it requires a realistic perspective and a lot of work.
TPE is a relationship that requires a lot of openness, honesty, faith, trust, communication and hard work. It requires two (or more) people able to manage a relationship that revolves around change. If you are not open to personal change (sometimes quite dramatically) but instead are looking for certainty, solid footholds and a natural rhythm in your life, you’re simply not TPE-material. Owners and slaves in a TPE relation often (and frequently) go through dramatic changes and you have to be able to handle that.

A slave in a TPE relationship will almost always be required to grow to perfection (perfection as in what the owner considers to be perfection). That, by definition, means personal growth, development and change. At the same time the owner will have to adjust to the slave – in every aspect. Yes, to the slave the owner and his/her wants, needs and desires are the main priority in life. But at the same time – since the slave becomes increasingly vulnerable in many aspects – the owners’ responsibilities grow at the same rate.

TPE is Inter-dependency
Within a TPE relationship the slave is likely to become increasingly dependent on the owner. Emotionally, economically and socially. This means – as time progresses – the slave will have lesser and lesser options to leave the relationship without severe difficulties and repercussions. That is exactly what owner and slave are after.

However, due to the all-important time-factor (building a true TPE-relationship takes many, many years) the owner will invest a very substantial part of his/her life and energy in the slave(s). As a result, the owner, albeit in another way, also – and increasingly – loses options. Besides – owner and slave(s) will eventually become one entity and that is a situation that – to both – is not easy to disentangle.

De facto one cannot be without the other and owner and slave in a TPE relationship are inter-dependent.

The above article is a reprint from our information/educational site Kink Culture.
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